“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”

Resolutions

Even though this is extremely embarrassing, I'm going to post the resolutions i had for 2010.

1. To not live my life on the computer. I started off pretty well. I didn’t get on at all yesterday, and it was still an awesome day.
2. Write more. Who says a Biology major can’t be a fan of writing? It puts me in a good mood, and less medicine i’ll have to take!
3. Have a good boyfriend. I’m very selective about using words like ‘get’ or ‘find,’ because my motto in life is that if you go searching for something, then you won’t find it. Any kind of happiness should be right in front of you, or coming your way, even without the wandering.
4. STUDY MORE.PRACTICE.STUDY MORE.PRACTICE.
5. Actually TRY to cook once in a while.
6. Start an environmental club at Southwestern.
7. SAVE.SAVE.SAVE. I spend too much, and ask my parents for way too much money.
8. Take care of myself, so i don’t get sick every two weeks. Also, by “taking care of myself,” i don’t mean call mom and ask her what i have. I want to figure it out myself.
9. Finish all the books and art projects i’ve set aside over the past year.
10. BECOME MORE OPEN MINDED. I should stop shutting down ideas, and people even before i give it, or them a chance.

Okay, first of all, i stuck to all of them except 5,6, and 9. I'd say that's an accomplishment. This year has been so ridiculous. So much has changed, but obviously for the better. I really don't have any resolutions for this year because last year was crap, i can only go up from here. I guess if i would have to choose one goal or resolution, as simple as it sounds i just want to be happy. That's about it. Many things make me happy, i just want to do more of those things. More blogging. More drinking. More music. Getting rid of the sketchy people in my life. More amazing memories with amazing people. I can do this, right? I hope you all bring in the new year with fantastic people.

<3

"You got a fast car. I want a ticket to anywhere. Maybe we make a deal, maybe together we can get somewhere."

I was going to blog tonight, but i just don't feel like it!

maybe tomorrow..

"good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what-have-you.
the right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass."

"wanting to be loved is human nature. there is nothing wrong with it. but if you try and create yourself to be a certain way in order to feel loved, then you are not being you and you will never really be loved. so love is about honesty. honesty beginning in the self. with the self. and continuing on to everyone else. touching everyone you touch."

“Something very scary just happened to me and I want everybody to read this. Let me put this into perspective: I’m about 5’3” and weight 129 pounds. Most of that weight is muscle, and fat in my butt. I eat the right amount of food. Sometimes too much but I work out a lot. Lately not as much as usual. Anyway, I was lying in my bed this morning and all of a sudden I got this really sharp pain right by my heart. I felt like I was getting stabbed in the heart. It lasted for about 15 seconds. My thoughts were racing and I was trying to breathe heavy to get it to go away and I thought I was going to die. And this is the part where it applies to every single one of you. I’ve tried to take my life before, I’ve wanted to die so many times in my life, but when I felt like something was going to kill me without my control, all of those thoughts stopped. In my mind I was begging I would be okay. No matter how much you hate the world, no matter how much you hate yourself, there are answers that are better than death. Believe me. There are people that love you. I love you, for crying out loud. There are people who would be a wreck if you were gone. There is a reason we are all on this Earth, I promise you, even if you don’t see it now. And if you’re feeling alone, know that the world can be a lonely place but it would be lonelier without you in it.”

Hayley Williams

I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now.

-John Lennon

“Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.”

"At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out; they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know, If you're willing to take a chance, the view from the other side is spectacular."

"You can be happy tomorrow. You can be happy when you get through your list of things to do. You can be happy when you meet the one. You can be happy when you get the right job. You can be happy when you get that raise. You can be happy when you stop buying the things you need and start buying the things you want. You can be happy when you retire. You can be happy when the weather suits you. You can be happy on a plane. You can be happy in the rain. Or you can stop reading this, take a deep breath, and be happy right now."

"Everything happens for a reason."

   Lately, I've been questioning my actions in certain situations. I seriously think sometimes, I've gone mad, and unfortunately I'm not the only one who agrees. A week or two ago, i went to a party and had a fabulous time, sort of too much fun. Things happened way to freaking fast and i ended up making out with an super freaking awesome guy. Bad thing, he definitely has a girlfriend...that i was well aware of.

   Now, any normal person would feel terrible and never want to see or talk to said guy again, but like we've established, I'm not normal. I enjoyed it. It was actually fantastic. He's an AMAZING kisser, makes me laugh, just fantastic all around. Now, this kiss didn't just happen for no reason. I honestly think there was something else behind it, but that's what i still have yet to figure out. You would think after all is said and done, me and this said guy would have awkward moments and rare, short conversations, but it's actually the opposite.

   We talk more, I'm strangely comfortable around him. Again, this really shouldn't be happening. Everything that is happening, doesn't happen in a normal situation like this. Everything happens for a reason, i keep telling myself. I guess sooner or later I'll find out what that reason is. I need some serious patience! Now, let the judging commence..

“There’s a point in your life when you get tired of fixing everything and trying to make everyone happy. When you finally decide to quit, it’s NOT giving up. It’s realizing you don’t need certain people and the bullshit they bring in to your life.”

My mood has been such a freakin' roller coaster lately!!
I'm happy one day, annoyed another, then depressed the next!
I'm a fan of calamity, but not when it comes to my moods.

Life is pretty decent right now i suppose. I have a good group of friends, classes are finally about to end for the semester, and I'm getting closer to friends I've lost touch with in the past year. Of course i have that feeling that something is missing and i know exactly what it is, i just wish it would go away. I don't need you to be happy. I can find my own happiness..or at least that's what I've been trying to do for the last six months. I'll get there. Eventually. Great things take time and one day, it'll happen. I just wish it was here already..

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson

The more days that go by where i think about you less, makes me happy. Knowing that we haven't gotten back together after this long apart is a sign things were never really meant to last forever like you said. It's refreshing to have come to this conclusion. If only we could still be friends, but beggers can't be choosers. I'm completely content with how my life is going and i don't want to slow down or rewind. Life is good. Enjoy the good parts while you can.

Don't Judge Me.

I'd have to say today was a great day.

Nothing significant happened. I laughed. A lot. I mean, i always laugh. It is one of my favorite things to do, but today was different. I didn't think about any of the bad things happening in my past or present at the moment, i just let it go and laughed. Feels awesome. I really wish i could do this all the time, but i guess that's what recovering is. It takes a while to get back to how you were. It's been almost eight months since everything started happening, but i can finally say I'm getting better. It feels amazing to know how far I've come since March.

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”

quote of the day

"Dont throw yourself out on another’s whim. People change, as do intentions and as a result, consequences. Live for yourself - Love those around you, but realize that they’ve got their own agendas."

I think i have enough blog sites.

Why not add another, right?

This is the aftermath of me being extrememly annoyed and sleep deprived.

Expect many rants, raves, and complete chaos about my life, friends, and lack thereof.